August 2011
11 posts
6 tags
Straight Flush
“A heterosexual plumber takes a job on a Gay cruise”
Freddy Holguin always fancied himself a bit of a ladies man. He knew all the lines, knew all the moves and kept a copy of ‘The Game’ on his bedside table. So when the opportunity to work on a singles’ cruise in the Bahamas came up he leapt at the opportunity to combine work with pleasure. But something is a bit...
Apologies and a new submission
First off, apologies for not posting in the last week. I’ve been packing up my life to emigrate to another country and had no idea how much organising had to get done before I could leave. It’s been a week since the last idiom box went up and that is inexcusable especially if this experiment is going to make it to a year.
To go someway to making up the deficit there are three new...
5 tags
Milking it
Submitted by damndamvandahm
“A fresh new look at the dairy industry”
What happens when five sheltered teens are forced to slave away at a dairy ranch for a month? Hilarity ensues as these kids must milk and tend to the herd, all while under the watchful eye of one of meanest ranch owners that has ever lived. Will these kids crack under the pressure or will they finally learn to some...
5 tags
Where there's a Will
“The game show where siblings compete for their parent’s affection and their inheritance’”
Every family includes a bit of sibling rivalry. Whether it’s competing to see who is better at sports, better at school or who is ‘the favourite’ there’s always something. For the most part parents try to remain neutral but there must be some part inside them...
4 tags
Carbon Dating
“The dating show that matches people based on their environmental impact”
It’s so hard to find love. People are so different, so varied and unique that it’s difficult to find enough things in common to connect with. This can be a real problem for the environmentally aware. No sooner have they made eye contact and flirted over a fruity drink then they find out that the...
5 tags
Chicken Caesar
“A cowardly Italian General is forced to go to war”
Benicio Al Acarte liked the army. He understood it and he liked to think it understood him too. He knew that the Army wasn’t just a fighting force but was also a massive bureaucracy that needed to be organised and for 27years that’s exactly what he did. But now, after rising to the rank of General, a new government...
5 tags
Unaccompanied Miner
“A middle aged coal miner attempts to find love in his small welsh village”
Aeron Davies has lived all his life in the mines. He worked hard like his father and his father before that and when he wasn’t working he was hanging out with the lads in the pub or dong other manly things. Now at 42 and alone, Aeron has decided that he needs a wife, but in a small town like Llanybydder...
4 tags
Passenger Terminal
“A dying man travels the world making the most of his remaining time”
Sean Lochley always had plans. He planned to learn an instrument, he planned to fall in love and he planned to travel the world. Unfortunately he always planned to do it later and now he’s been diagnosed with a terminal illness which means he has a lot less later than he planned for. For some people this might...
6 tags
Roll with the Punches
“Punch and Judy take their talent for violence to the streets of South Central LA”
Punch might be a puppet but he’s the hardest nut in all of England. When he’s not wrestling with crocodiles, beating up policemen, or killing executioners he’s defeating the devil with nothing more than a 3inch long stick and a silly voice. In fact the only person who is tougher than...
5 tags
Lost the Plot
“An elderly writer starts to confuse his real life with the stories he’s written”
As one of Hollywood’s longest working and most successful writers Horry Tomms’s amazing imagination has created some of television’s most beloved characters, its most cherished scenes and its most enduring moments. Now in his late 70’s and running a major production house,...
July 2011
24 posts
7 tags
First-world problems
Idiom Box submitted by Melanie Mahoney of literatechicken.com.au
“A group of young people from a developing nation have to deal with a whole new set of problems when dumped in suburban America.”
Accessing fresh water, finding food, avoiding militia, these are the problems faced by young people around the world every day. Meanwhile, in America, young people stress about slow Starbucks baristas,...
3 tags
Xs and Os
“Explore a couple’s relationship through the text messages they’ve sent each other”
Once upon a time couples wrote each other love letters. Some were filled with words of passion and desire. Some were filled with earnest and honest declarations of heartfelt yearning. And some were inappropriately and disturbingly pornographic. But all of them were carefully composed and...
4 tags
Unattended Baggage
“A celebrity hypnotist helps people discover their most traumatic repressed memories”
Voyeur type TV always does well. Whether it’s watching cheating lovers getting busted, addicts trying to recover or people with weird medical conditions, there’s something about seeing other people vulnerable and hurt that makes audiences tune in. This new show takes that schadenfreude...
6 tags
One with Everything
“A buddhist pizza delivery company brings enlightenment and wisdom with extra anchovies”
The Nirvana Pizza Co of Hoboken New Jersey is not your regular pie shop. You can’t find it in the phone book and you can’t walk in off the street but when you’re suffering an existential crisis it will become known to you. For years it has provided those in need with freedom from...
2 tags
Keep me in mind
“A schizophrenic’s second personality tries to remain relevant in spite of the therapy”
Jerry, is witty, charming, exciting and erudite. When he’s at a party he’s the life of the event and everyone wants be him or be near him. Unfortunately Jerry is also a manifestation of Gerald Schlecham’s dissociative identity disorder. Gerald is a tax accountant and...
3 tags
Home Sweet Home
“Long before meeting Hansel and Gretel the witch was a famous baker, this is her story”
Not everyone is born evil. For Lilly Grechenstudel evil was something she had never really considered. Born with a love of baking and the talent to match Lilly was celebrated throughout Bavaria as the nation’s greatest baker and confectioner. Her strudel was adored by great Kings,...
4 tags
For Pete's Sake
“A Sheffield man tries to sell rice wine to the Japanese”
Pete Forblum is a hustler. Whether it’s cars, carriages, hosiery or helicopters Pete has tried to sell it all at one point and usually done pretty well. Pete knows he can sell anything, the only thing he needs is the right buyer so when he gets stuck with 20 million litres of english sake he sets about finding just that....
4 tags
Over and Out
“Follow the adventures of the world’s first openly gay Olympic Pole Vaulter”
Being openly gay can be hard. Being an openly gay sportsperson is harder. Being an openly gay sportsperson who is famous for how he handles a pole is just asking for trouble. For Richard Älskare the decision to come out wasn’t easy but it was something he felt he had to do. Now he leads a double...
5 tags
Little by Little
“The documentary about dwarves written, shot and edited entirely BY dwarves”
People act differently depending on what company they’re in. That’s a given. How you act with your friends is different from how you act when you’re with your mother or grandmother. The in-jokes you tell with your old friends from high school may be different to the ones you tell with your...
6 tags
Thyme Is Running Out
Idea submitted by David Roberts - blurb by idiom box
“A reality cooking show with an exciting new twist: every dish of every episode must contain a bunch of thyme”
Finding funding for a television show can be hard. For the Network there is a lot of expense and risk before they know if anyone will watch it or advertise on it. That’s why sometimes production companies get a...
3 tags
Eat me
“A teenage cannibal rebels against his traditionalist parents”
Being a teenager can be rough. Nobody understands you. Everyone you’ve ever met is stupid and your parents are always telling you what to do. That’s pretty standard for most teenagers around the world. But for 15yo Albert Dente things are a little different. Dente’s parents are from one of the last...
6 tags
I'm Drunk
“Each week we explore the dreams, arguments and truths that are discussed over the lifetime of a pint”
A fly on the wall may be party to a lot but a pint on the table is often present to the most honest of conversations, the craziest of ideas and the most intimate of confessions. Each week we record one conversation conducted over a beer and explore the stories behind the words. How...
4 tags
Stylin
“The reality show that sorts the wows from the sows and the boars from the bores”
In America more than any other nation on earth, the phenomenon of the beauty pageant has been taken to an extreme degree. The professional stylists, makeup artists, choreographers and managers that profit from this multimillion dollar industry are the best in the world. But they are working with...
5 tags
All in tents and Porpoises
“Follow a group of young marine biologists as they study the marine life of remote Alaska”
What happens when a group of doctoral students are put together for 18 months in the cold Alaskan wilderness? Ok that was a stupid question. They’re going to have sex and lots of it. With nothing to entertain them except the porpoises they’re studying and each other’s lives,...
First full Idiom Box from the outside world!
Below we have our first full Idiom Box from the outside world and it’s great. It comes from Mel who runs The Literate Chicken review blog which is a very funny mix of book reviews and chicken jokes. If you like any of those things you should check it out here literatechicken.com.au.
The post appears completely as submitted except the name of the love interest which used to be the same as my...
7 tags
Bare With Me
Idiom Box submitted by Melanie Mahoney of literatechicken.com.au
“A man gets more than he bargains for when he inherits a struggling nudist colony”
When Dan Walker learns he’s inherited a farm from his recently departed aunt, he believes he’s the new owner of a quaint country cottage. Little does he know that the ‘farm’ is actually a nudist colony – and that he has to keep it running for at...
6 tags
ROTFL
“A linoleum installer tries to break into stand-up comedy”
Phillip Tanner is funny. His parents think so. All his mates at The Flooring Emporium think so, and his wife and kids definitely think so. He spends all day on the job site cracking up his mates and then goes home to laugh with his two young girls and loving wife. So when his father suggests he try his hand at stand up comedy...
4 tags
Bard for Life
“Meet Richard Pritchard, the man who can only speak in rhyming couplets”
Some people have to wash their hands 20 times a day. Some people have to count every telegraph pole as they drive. And some people, like Mr Pritchard, have to speak in rhyming couplets or else their world falls apart. As compulsions go it’s quite a nice one. Mr Pritchard’s world is a place of constant...
5 tags
Soy Vei
“The kosher vegetarian cooking show”
The laws and traditions of the jewish faith can be hard to navigate. What can I eat? What days can I eat it on? Should I eat it in the dark on Friday nights? Sometimes you just need a friendly guide to help you reconcile your dietary choices with your faith. That’s where Talia Cohen and Rabbi Klein come in to take the mishegas from your meals...
6 tags
Crush on You
“A morbidly obese man falls in love with his midget neighbour”
Love is a many splendoured thing. It can make fools of us all, it can lift us up where we belong and sometimes it hurts. For Horscham Arbuckle love is something that is usually unrequited. All his life he’s been overweight. It’s something that he’s overcome socially by being funny and entertaining but...
6 tags
How to Make a Killing
“Meet Gerald Simpson, the man who makes a living by framing people for murder”
Gerald is not a murderer. Lets get that straight from the outset. He doesn’t kill people and frame others for the crime. Nor does he help murderers to avoid prosecution by diverting suspicion. That kind of thing is for amateurs and hacks. What Gerald does is far far more difficult and far more...
6 tags
The Heir up there
Idea submitted by Tim Chenery - blurb by idiom box
“Frederick is second in line to the throne of Liechtenstein, but won’t come down from his air-ship”
Some men are born to greatness. Some men have greatness thrust upon them. And some men see the burden of greatness coming and escape in a dirigible until they’ve had some time to think about it. Frederick belongs to this last...
6 tags
Heir of the Dog
“Meet Lionel Gaffry the man who will inherit $100million if Miffy the Shih tzu dies”
Lionel Gaffry isn’t a dog person. He isn’t even a pet person. And he certainly isn’t a nice person. Lionel spent his entire life avoiding work by conning his rich elderly Aunt into looking after him. He was sure that when she died he’d be rich but instead he finds himself the...
2 tags
and the winners are...
So after going over all the Idiom Boxes so far and fixing the numerous spelling, grammer and punctuation mistakes (there were a lot - I’ll be more careful in the future). Here are the most popular ideas in no particular order.
Nein to Five
Zero Tolerance
Full of Yourself
Count on it
Died in the Wool
Red in the face (with thanks to Tim)
Hash Cakes (also with thanks)
User Friendly
...
1 tag
New month, time to review.
I write every idiom box pretty much on the spur of the moment. Some take longer than others, some arrive fully formed when I hear a phrase but all of them are written on the day that they’re posted and pretty much left as is. So, as it’s the start of a new month I thought I’d go back over the last 40 posts and re-read them all again.
I’ll be fixing up all the typos and...
June 2011
30 posts
5 tags
Died in the Wool
“Follow the ovopomorphic personification of Death as he ferries sheep souls to the afterlife”
Derek is stupid, as all sheep are, but as the Grim Reaper of sheep Derek has a lot more responsibility than most and no one to tell him what to do. He has to ensure over 31 million sheep souls are harvested every day, that’s a lot for anybody, let alone a creature who can’t spell...
5 tags
Sour Doe
“A grouchy young deer must learn to look on the bright side of life”
Life for Pawpi doesn’t seem so great. Sure she has the run of the forest, plenty of fresh grass to eat and lots of forest friends to talk to but what’s the point of it all? Eat grass for 15 years and then keel over? Get shot by a redneck and wind up on some tacky wall? Headbutt a speeding SUV? Pawpi...
2 tags
Friendly Fire
“Discover what happened to the burning bush after the events of the bible”
Ever since he was a tiny shrub, Ira Cohen knew he was special. There were a few things that might of clued him in to this. For instance he was the only talking bush on the entire mountain, plus he was also the only one that was constantly on fire but was never consumed by it. However, it wasn’t until an...
8 tags
Naval Intelligence
“Detective Mike Truscott’s Belly-button lint has become self-aware”
Mike Truscott is good at many things; darts, drinking and catching bad guys are some of them, personal hygiene is not. One night after drinking with the boys, Mike stumbles home through a local field and is struck by lightning. When he awakes the next day, his head is splitting, his right arm is numb and his...
6 tags
Dear in the Headlights
“The show that lets couples prove how much they really trust each other”
How much do you trust your husband? What about your wife? And how much do you think they trust you? In this high stakes reality show two couples are each given the keys to the car of their dreams. One spouse must then drive at 60mph past their partner. The one who gets closest each round wins a point and each...
9 tags
Hash Cakes
Idea submitted by Tim Chenery - blurb by idiom box
“Cake maker Joe Starr becomes the most followed man on Twitter”
Joe Starr is a simple man. He likes long walks on the beach, good times with friends and baking cakes at his bakery in Hoboken New Jersey. Like many small business owners Joe started a twitter account for his business to gain an online presence, but when he tweets about...
Extended War and Tea
“The panel discussion show where great Generals from history debate the various merits of their campaigns over a warm beverage”
Ever wondered what would happen if Rommel had succeeded at Tobruk? If Patton had captured Pancho Villa? Or if Hannibal hadn’t had access to the world’s largest supply of peanuts? Well now you can find out what the great Generals of history think...
1 tag
First Idiom Box from the outside world below..
Today we have our first Idiom box that has come from the outside world (actually we had one about a month ago but i accidentally deleted it, sorry Josh). Tim submitted the idiom and the logline and I wrote up the rest for him after being inspired by his genius.
There’s about 6 more submissions waiting in the wings and they’re all hilarious. I’ll publish them when either I or...
8 tags
Red in the Face
Idea Submitted by Tim Chenery
“A US man struggles with the fact that he looks exactly like Joseph Stalin”
It is 1950 and US citizen Patrick Riote is in love with his country. He flies the stars and stripes in his front yard, he stands up for the national anthem and is a card carrying member of the Republican party. But Patrick has one nagging flaw that seems to constantly place his...
9 tags
Full of Yourself
“A conceited Babushka Doll must learn to get on with the other toys”
Kids today are no more conceited than they were 30 years ago. When I was a kid I thought that God made the world in 6 days and made me on the 7th. I loved my parents dearly, like a benevolent dictator loves his subjects, but one day (around age 3) I had to come to terms with the fact that the world did not revolve...
5 tags
Dig in Your Heels
“A cross dressing construction worker refuses to conform to society’s norms”
Kevin Baart is 6’10”, 300lb and works construction in the Alaskan wilderness. Kevin also likes to wear women’s shoes and doesn’t care what anyone thinks. The guys he works with don’t mind, don’t comment and hardly even notice anymore. But when Kevin is forced to move...
5 tags
Count on it
“The reality show where a european nobleman tries to solve people’s everyday problems”
Life can be a pain. Raising the kids, paying the mortgage, pleasing the partner. Sometimes it’s all just too much to handle. Sometimes what you need is advice from someone who has never had to deal with any of these problems. Someone who’s opinion is unsullied by personal...
6 tags
With Us or Against Us
“A secret society of frottage enthusiasts tries to take over the world”
Many people have a secret fetish; a peccadillo that they enjoy but fear society may judge them for. Many find an outlet for that desire among other like minded people in dedicated clubs or groups. Only one of those groups has ever become the basis for an international coup d’état, but then again, only one...
7 tags
Glossy Finnish
“Witness the catfights and herring slaps inside Helsinki’s most successful modelling agency”
Eveliina Peltosaari was once one of Finland’s most famous models. She appeared on the cover of Tyttö ja silliä, Nainen ja silliä and Silli Kuvitettu. Now she runs Finland’s largest and most glamorous modelling agency with the same fierce tenacity and consummate flair she...
4 tags
In Case of Fire
“The game show for people who are bored of Deal or No Deal”
Deal or No Deal is one of the world’s most popular game shows. It is played in nearly 100 countries and over 50 languages. But the show basically consists of contestants shouting numbers at random while their family and friends hold luggage. Now there’s an alternative that takes the suspense of Deal and adds the...
